Sunday, October 30, 2011
The seasons collide
When trying balance school (especially this semester), the life balance has become my new challenge. Up until now I've done a fairly decent job of "having it all", and I would say so with fingers crossed, because it doesn't account for when the natural turns of life that just jump right in there. So today I write in pajamas, fuzzy socks and cuddling in a snuggy (that's right I admit it- I have a snuggy- but to spare my own judgement it's leopard print). It's officially flu season. Right in the middle of mid term paper writing, group project completing season. The two seasons combining means I sit in my jammies all day, running a fever and giving myself a guilt trip that this is the time I budgetted to write my Economics, Marketing, and Competitive Strategy 12 page paper. I will count my blessings that since I've really felt this coming on since Thursday, I'm lucky to have survived a study group and accomplished our presentation on Zara's Case Study... even survived all three hours of it. (My poor study group got to see me in a new light (in non fully functioning mode)). So on a stomach that will only accept hot tea, I have to come to the realization that I am merely a mortal. While I'm hoping the completion of this MBA will take me to new heights, I must realize there's time to be grounded. This paper, like all MBA projects and papers, will get done. And who knows- I may be a more creative writer with a dose of Sudafed.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Where ability meets a calling
As a child I was indoctrinated in the Christian faith. My parents were both faithful and sure to reassure me of Christ's love. Early on I found it easy to love people, and assume this had something to do with my faith filled experiences as my father filled various pastoral roles, and even for a brief period my family served as a host family at Texas Baptist Children's Home. I was surrounded by what I consider a rich heritage. I remember the wise words of my Granny- "Never dress to where the poor or the rich don't feel comfortable in your company" and she reminded me that people wouldn't care the station of my home, so long as my hospitality showed them they were loved. Such an importance placed on how we made others feel accepted and loved.
So it was easy for me, with tender heart, to accept the calling God had for me. I remember talking with Pastor Greg Mills in the kitchen of the little Nazarene church. I asked him about his experience... his calling. He said words that had already been echoing in my mind- "I just can't believe I get to get paid to work for the Lord". It was exactly how I felt. Pastor Greg gave me my first time to preach on a Sunday night, and helped me get my local minister's license. He also said something about me I'll never forget, and now take pride in. He said something like it almost scared him- I had such a lack of fear.
College carried with it some of life's toughest lessons for me. When you are faced with losing the dad you love, and walk the path of cancer with your mom, and feel great injustice for being passed over in a religion intern program ... I came to a place where I found the end of me. Before now, I always felt bigger than life, that the body I was given couldn't contain the soul I had inside.
I graduated college and went on to work for Heart to Heart International. I loved my work. Working on the international scene helped reestablish some of the grandeur of life I felt was missing. I learned about my skills and abilities. In my early twenties I built systems to move teams through the process and prepare them for international humanitarian trips. I worked with people and together we built volunteer days of service to assist multiple agencies across Oklahoma City. I took risks. I traveled internationally at the age of 23, got stranded in Istanbul, and worked with a team of 35 doctors and non medical staff to do trainings in family medicine, ALSO, over 4 million in meds delivered and worked in two orphanages. I gained more experience than I ever could have had I played it safe.
Once the project was done, it was time for change, and the door opened to come back to Central Texas. God gave me the opportunity to work for the Children's Home my family had served at. God placed leadership in my life that allowed me to spread my wings. I fell in love with my community and the opportunity to connect them to needs. As I threw myself fearlessly into seeing what I could push myself to do, I won awards. I determined that I wanted to be fully prepared for whatever the future might hold for me. That's when I determined to pursue my MBA.
Its been fun getting to learn such new things... I see my abilities in new lights. But over the past year I have the recurring thought- what is purpose... and what is my purpose? Sometimes this thought drives me to feel uncomfortable in my current job and wonder what's next. Other times, I feel I'm right where I need to be. Either way, I can't shake the feeling that I need to reconnect with the passion of my youth. This life isn't about greatness. Its not about what one person can become.
Lately, Matt and I have joined in the formation of a small group. I had been told of a devotional by Francis Chan and suggested that as a group we do the book "Crazy Love". I can't begin to fully convey what this stirs inside me. My fearlessness and love for others breeds a high value for authenticity for me, but this is so much more than becoming an authentic person of faith. Its about people again... its about relationship. Its seeing Jesus for the person He was and is, and overwhelmed by His love... his holiness- I am just speechless. And while there may not be words, David Crowder puts it best when he talks about his heart beating violently inside of his chest. I'm overwhelmed - to say it lightly.
I may not know where this purpose takes me, but I know where its driving me. How can I not just care for and get involved with my community- but now- how can I deeply love? How can I pray for my coworkers and friends in the community? How do I meet their needs? How can I serve as a message of hope and how in the world do I convey and maintain a consistent message of love? It is about relationship. Its about my authentic walk with Jesus, and then its about how I recognize that I never fit the mold anyways- so why not adopt the purpose to love radically?
Like I said- I don't know where this MBA will lead. I only get a hint of the plans God really has for me and for anyone who will surrender. The task is great, and I know that God has allowed me these years in my early and mid twenties to build a tool kit for whatever He is calling me to. But whatever this journey is really leading to... I know who holds the future, and I will follow that calling.
Current favorite songs:
Manifesto by The City Harmonic, How He Loves by David Crowder, To Know You by Casting Crowns, What Do I Know of Holy by Addison Road, God of this City by Chris Tomlin
So it was easy for me, with tender heart, to accept the calling God had for me. I remember talking with Pastor Greg Mills in the kitchen of the little Nazarene church. I asked him about his experience... his calling. He said words that had already been echoing in my mind- "I just can't believe I get to get paid to work for the Lord". It was exactly how I felt. Pastor Greg gave me my first time to preach on a Sunday night, and helped me get my local minister's license. He also said something about me I'll never forget, and now take pride in. He said something like it almost scared him- I had such a lack of fear.
College carried with it some of life's toughest lessons for me. When you are faced with losing the dad you love, and walk the path of cancer with your mom, and feel great injustice for being passed over in a religion intern program ... I came to a place where I found the end of me. Before now, I always felt bigger than life, that the body I was given couldn't contain the soul I had inside.
I graduated college and went on to work for Heart to Heart International. I loved my work. Working on the international scene helped reestablish some of the grandeur of life I felt was missing. I learned about my skills and abilities. In my early twenties I built systems to move teams through the process and prepare them for international humanitarian trips. I worked with people and together we built volunteer days of service to assist multiple agencies across Oklahoma City. I took risks. I traveled internationally at the age of 23, got stranded in Istanbul, and worked with a team of 35 doctors and non medical staff to do trainings in family medicine, ALSO, over 4 million in meds delivered and worked in two orphanages. I gained more experience than I ever could have had I played it safe.
Once the project was done, it was time for change, and the door opened to come back to Central Texas. God gave me the opportunity to work for the Children's Home my family had served at. God placed leadership in my life that allowed me to spread my wings. I fell in love with my community and the opportunity to connect them to needs. As I threw myself fearlessly into seeing what I could push myself to do, I won awards. I determined that I wanted to be fully prepared for whatever the future might hold for me. That's when I determined to pursue my MBA.
Its been fun getting to learn such new things... I see my abilities in new lights. But over the past year I have the recurring thought- what is purpose... and what is my purpose? Sometimes this thought drives me to feel uncomfortable in my current job and wonder what's next. Other times, I feel I'm right where I need to be. Either way, I can't shake the feeling that I need to reconnect with the passion of my youth. This life isn't about greatness. Its not about what one person can become.
Lately, Matt and I have joined in the formation of a small group. I had been told of a devotional by Francis Chan and suggested that as a group we do the book "Crazy Love". I can't begin to fully convey what this stirs inside me. My fearlessness and love for others breeds a high value for authenticity for me, but this is so much more than becoming an authentic person of faith. Its about people again... its about relationship. Its seeing Jesus for the person He was and is, and overwhelmed by His love... his holiness- I am just speechless. And while there may not be words, David Crowder puts it best when he talks about his heart beating violently inside of his chest. I'm overwhelmed - to say it lightly.
I may not know where this purpose takes me, but I know where its driving me. How can I not just care for and get involved with my community- but now- how can I deeply love? How can I pray for my coworkers and friends in the community? How do I meet their needs? How can I serve as a message of hope and how in the world do I convey and maintain a consistent message of love? It is about relationship. Its about my authentic walk with Jesus, and then its about how I recognize that I never fit the mold anyways- so why not adopt the purpose to love radically?
Like I said- I don't know where this MBA will lead. I only get a hint of the plans God really has for me and for anyone who will surrender. The task is great, and I know that God has allowed me these years in my early and mid twenties to build a tool kit for whatever He is calling me to. But whatever this journey is really leading to... I know who holds the future, and I will follow that calling.
Current favorite songs:
Manifesto by The City Harmonic, How He Loves by David Crowder, To Know You by Casting Crowns, What Do I Know of Holy by Addison Road, God of this City by Chris Tomlin
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