Diagnosed

I have about 15 minutes to get out what's been swirling in my head, so I apologize if this isn't my most thoughtful or well written post.  As a working mom, I find that you have to just seize the moments you've got.

Matt and I got back from Banff a couple weeks ago.  It was an incredible trip I had been wanting to take for years.  We got to see and do so much in the short amount of time that we were there.  What is always apparent to me as we go on these hikes annually is how nature does draw me closer to God.

This trip seemed a bit steeped in worry by a few of the people I was with.  Yet time and time again I saw the soft whispers of God's timing and care for us in the everyday.  It happened enough times to catch my attention and realize there was so much more than coincidence that I began to sink down into this understanding and peace that in a way that many people say que sera sera, I was ready to hand the next stage, the next adventure over to God and see what he was going to do next.

Monday is giving me the opportunity to put this new found freedom into practice in the everyday.  Matt and I several months ago began working with a financial planner, and included the need for life insurance.  As Matt received the standard pee in the cup test, the results came back that he failed.  We were assured this happened on a semi regular basis and were moved to the two day test, which surprised us a bit when Matt failed again.  We again were told this wasn't uncommon and we'd just need to go into a doctor to get a written excuse note for why things seemed a little off.

Course my sweet husband isn't exactly what I'd call procactive, so it wasn't until he had strep throat and began seeing blood in his urine that he scheduled that visit.  At that visit, I armed with the results from his previous tests, the doctors saw him and determined through their own tests that this may be more than a bad sore throat.  Matt was put on antibiotics but given a slew of symptoms to watch for, and if exhibited, would need to go to the ER.

We scheduled a visit with a kidney specialist.  After their first visit, she put Matt through a series of blood work and imaging of his kidneys, and a follow up visit was scheduled.

Monday we had that follow up visit and Matt was casually given the diagnosis of IGA Nephropathy.  A common, unfortunately uncurable, kidney disease.  She tried making us feel better that most people are able to live decent lives and only a few people go on to a more serious stage.  Later in her conversation she clarified that only a few was actually one-third.  (A few more than a few in my books).  Dr. Google went on to confirm that about 1 in 4 within 20-25 years need a kidney transplant, which led to my innappropriate joking that Matt and I better get started on having more kids so we'd have some viable options for a donor.

So here we are... Thursday, and I'm being given time and time again to recognize the moments in life where God whispers.  And the funny thing is, once I'm listening for the whispers, His presence is made known in such clarity.  Time and again, things that only God and I share come through in a word someone says, some encouragement given, many times unrelated to one another or from others who don't know our full story yet.

Well, I've got two minutes in my 15 to crank this out, so I'll leave with this.  I'm challenged today to pause.  I pray.  I recite the Lord's prayer in song form that we've done at church and am challenged so much by the words - Your kingdom, come quickly.  Your will be done the same, on earth as it is in heaven.  Let Heaven come to earth.  To fully relinquish my will, my worry, and rest in the arms of God.  To pray that as in Heaven, His will be done here, for my family, for those I love.  May it be.

In the Making

Today I had a meeting 4 or more years in the making.  And I note how if had I sought out to create this meeting four years ago, it would not have been what it was specifically today.

In my own past, I've walked down the path of doctors and illness with family members.  When your loved one's life and quality of life swing in the balance, there seems to be a black hole that can suck all your attention, energy, and stamina into it's focus.  It takes so much of our own focus, prayer and a sense of community to help keep us from traveling to conclusions about the future.

Today, conversation flowed over coffee, as I reached out to three of my friends.  I met each of them in a special way over the last four years, and God has allowed our paths to cross, I feel, very purposefully.  Through each of their own journeys, I am seeing a common strand- strong women who are given a challenge.  Rather that wallow in self-pity over very serious and some life-threatening diagnoses, they are rising to the top of their game.  Not only are they engaging in their respective areas of cancer, rheumatoid arthritis or Friedrich's Ataxia, but they are reaching out through advocacy to empower the greater community with knowledge and support.

Four years ago, the stories of the three women I brought together today did not carry, for lack of a better term, the richness that they did this morning.  In the last 4 years, we all have had our own mountains and valleys to climb, and although the experiences were shared in an hour and a half's conversation, one could not synthetically create the passion or connection these women share.

Its a constant reminder that the richest experiences in my life, are not the ones I could foresee.  They are not the ones I could plan out.  Even given the partial picture I can see of what was accomplished this morning, I could not have orchestrated myself, my own experiences or perspective nor those brought to the table by my counterparts.

This morning's conversation reminded me also what it means to truly be.  To quit talking through the politics or hypotheticals of community building.  I want to partake in this morning's kinds of earth moving dialogues.  To bring people together who will be better for having known one another.  To build stronger and faster from eachother's stories to help more people.  To participate in this kind of "community building" I feel something substantial has been set in motion.  I hope to live each day like this- feeling that I am truly completing the work the Lord has laid out for me.  I am reminded that my future is in the making, entrusted to God for the valleys and mountains I must go through to have the most fully lived experience.  By investing fully in this granted moment, I live a fulfilled life.

April showers, brings what for May?

April has been a little of an anomaly and really great at providing opportunities and challenges.  I was the guest speaker to a great group of students in Texas Lutheran University's Intro. to Social Entrepreneurship.  This was a great challenge and  reminded me of when Rebecca Powers came and spoke to my own leadership class not too many years ago.  I remembered how her personal testimony became so powerful to our class, so I led off with my own story and then shared about Children At Heart.  The students asked engaging questions for most of the hour and 45 minutes that we had together, and I appreciate the graciousness of the professor who I think is pretty cool- she has a law practice focused on nonprofits- cool right?

I also had the opportunity to be the keynote speaker for the Professional Women of Williamson County's luncheon.  It was their year-ending culmination luncheon in which this year they presented over $10,000 in scholarships.  It might have been the shortest keynote ever given- I was scheduled only 10 minutes to speak, as they wanted to highlight each of the young women also receiving scholarships.  I focused my time on talking about how we each in every word and deed are writing our own stories.  These stories will serve as reference points for some, and for Wesley, and maybe others, the story serves as his identity and heritage.  I encouraged each person in the room to live their own best story.  After hearing a little of each of the young women's bios I was so impressed and thrilled to have shared a common thread with them, as a former recipient.  If this is what home grown in our community means, then I know we are doing something right.

I also may have been pursued for a leadership position for another nonprofit in our community, and the prospect was really an educating experience.  I was able to ask myself questions I haven't asked in a while.  Questions that also push norms of what can it mean to be an engaged mom and invested in your career...

Whats funny is when you consider career advancement as a newish mom is something I didn't really expect.  What I mean is the liberty in which acquaintances feel the freedom to remind you that motherhood should come first, or even some who would suggest now as an ok time to "slack", because you'll not get this time back and no one would notice (I WOULD).  I won't argue with that.  I make a very concerted effort that between the time I have from getting home until my son goes to sleep- he has 100% of my attention.  I just think what is weird is that people feel pretty free to tell me this stuff, but I'm pretty sure no one has ever approached my husband to remind him how fleeting childhood is.  It's not a real complaint... just weird stuff people do.

And that's April... looking forward to seeing what May brings!

Innovation in Philanthropy

This morning was the local Chamber of Commerce Board meeting.  We had a guest presenter come in and speak on the topics of legislative and educational affairs that affect the district and region.  Specifically at the tail end of the summary, weight was given to children in poverty and graduation rates.  The message was to continue making strides in closing the gap for college preparedness, which opened the floor for conversation about alternative tracks and trade industries.

What I thought was interesting was the baseline for success.  That the only measure was contingent upon moving the needle in one specific area of percentage of attainment.  I made a few comments to point out that in the suburbs of the Austin area, the poor population has grown by 162%.  How over the last 20 years, those considered as "poor" were centralized in Austin, and the population has expanded over much of the Austin MSA.  Specifically, and what I didn't have in front of me, was that the rate for children in poverty has grown 142% in the region.  So my question becomes, in the case where the bottom drops out from under you for what used to be considered "baseline" you have to account for that in what success truly looks like.

What was increasingly interesting was this guest presenter's response to my questions- he points to the social sector and accountability in reporting metrics.

(Enter the zone of ambiguity).

So to clarify, I'm asking who is this "external agent" who will drive consistency in effort for nonprofit collaborations (in this case specifically speaking the example was in the schools).  He commented that he had once seen a United Way attempt to play that role, but something happened and scared them off of driving forward.

I can see why.  The United Way, while maintaining the label of funder, often times is still considered familial in the world of nonprofits.  Whoever wants their brother or sister setting the tone for house rules?

So I pushed the guest speaker, and he said what I already knew- so I'll put it here succinctly- the funders have to drive innovation.

I currently work for a foundation.  We're a complex model if there ever was one, building in a family of agencies and more political sensitivities to carefully navigate in honoring the intent of each board that resides in our nonprofit corporate structure.

Yesterday, I was able to work through some of our own strategic planning processes to encourage our board to look at the allocation of funding they currently provide and consider usage.  The current practice is largely general operations.  Working in the nonprofit sector, and knowing the true value of the funded general operation dollar, what I did next may seem to some as if I'm shooting myself in the foot, but I encouraged our board to look at best practice, be willing to recommend a percentage of operations based on budget that they would be willing to fund, but then also set aside funding for R&D.  Specifically for opportunities that provide innovation or expansion.  We'll see what makes it actually into the written plan, but it's pushing the philanthropic envelope to not only fund, but engage innovative philanthropy.

This mornings board meeting was held in the offices of a local multi billion dollar company.  We as board members were escorted on a tour of their newest office addition.  As the company shared about their current operations, I had about a dozen light bulb moments, flashing with every key word that casually rolled out of his mouth about their day to day operations.

I approached them afterwards, knowing their want for community engagement, their want for partnership in meaningful ways, and ways that could use their skills in another setting.  I proposed that they could provide business accumen for nonprofits as a way of giving back.  To do something strategic, that in the long run, may make more help than a momentary monetary gift.

Course, the money has to be the carrot.  Most nonprofits are too busy killing the snake that's closest to them to take time to invest in business philosophy.  But if foundations, and specifically corporate foundations took the time to be as strategic with their philanthropy as they are with their business models, I think we'd see real change.

My contact at this business asked me to gather a team, and he would gather his leadership to talk about the idea further. So I guess you'll just have to stay tuned to see how all that turns out...

That, and I have to run to the next thing...

The Future of Philanthropy

In reading Walk Out Walk On, the discussion of efficiencies in nonprofits took a second look at the value of the historical knowledge of how nonprofits do things.  While some practice may not seem efficient for today, it sometimes the key to sustainability for the future.  The key is knowing the difference in what preserves and sustains and that which could be leveraged in a different way to make a greater social impact.  And in all of this, the "soul" of nonprofit work must be preserved.

If you know anything about Austin, you know we host the SXSW festival.  This brings in people from all walks of life from music lovers to innovators to music loving innovators.  The festival was a great excuse for my childhood friend to come in from out of town.  Mike has his own work investing in people's dreams and innovations for tomorrow. (He's kinda a big deal).  Its incredible work, not only what he does, but after meeting his team and the entrepreneurs they invest in- I was impressed with the whole chain (read more about what they do here: rothenbergventures.com).

As a personally invited guest, I had the privileged of having some side conversations with some really cool people.

There was Rainer who makes wearing shorts fashionable any time of year.  There was John who shared his story of passionately pursuing his dream, living in almost every major American city, and now has grown his own business to over 70 people.  There was Valerie who has bravely followed her dreams, even when that meant moving to a new city, country and culture.  Dylan who has an eye for serving as a catalyst into some very lucky people's ambitions, and joining them on their journey to success.  I could go on and on... The party was like reading one of those inspirational books with the compiling of individual's successful stories.

I couldn't help as I drove home, breathing off the excitement of the party for the next few hours, and wondering what my freshly fed innovative spirit would dream for my line of work.  This crew is so different from the philanthropic landscape I am so used to walking.  It  breathed of innovation.  I left feeling that just around the corner and for those who are willing to serve as first adopters, a whole new paradigm is just waiting.

I began looking for anything I could get my hands on to look for innovation in philanthropy.  Not just in giving, or even in the latest trends of impacting societal change. I searched trends with some of the nation's largest and most engaged community foundations.  I scoured for relative TED Talks... wishing Dan Palotta had more to say.  They had good info... I'm better for knowing it, but I'm still looking for the disruptive and scaling technology that I feel is right under my nose.  I'm researching technology and asking questions about how funders can drive innovation. I'm asking questions like- what's the life span of a fully online service providing nonprofit like?  Should established foundations consider using bitcoins?  What about the role of R&D and how it can drive innovation in nonprofits? I'm even thrilled to have met at this party people my age, who are looked at as the experts and wondering what impact could result if our worlds collided.

I don't know exactly what this will add up to.  I am taking John's advice (from the party).  I'm voice memo'ing my thoughts, and at the very least I may create a book that empowers thought leaders in the nonprofit sector.    

In the meantime, I have to consider the real needs of my own backyard, and continue using collaboration to challenge us to do better, think bigger.  But the work done here has to be scalable.  There has to be models that can be replicated in meeting the needs of poverty in other cities.  However, because this is the business of subcultures, can community innovation be multiplied?  Can it grow beyond the traditional means of meeting the needs?  Where do new and fresh ideas take us?  How does technology reinvent philanthropic engagement?  I do not currently have all the answers. To me, it serves as a challenge to carry the torch of honoring the time old traditions of conveying the human touch to the human heart to tomorrow's future thinking philanthropists.

The Boat

It's been a little over a month that little Naomi Joan was born.  She came along at 40 weeks and two days, and while her life was cut short to just that, her story has inspired me, and will continue to live on.

In the days following the loss of Naomi, a song began to play on repeat in my mind. A link is provided here for the curious.  The first words of the song are:

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand

In addition to moments like this where time seems to stand still, I've been doing some reading that produces both challenge and clarity.  The book and song encourage me to consider life, and what it means to be like Peter.  To be called out of the boat, out of the known, and out upon the waters.

This very picture was beautifully illustrated in the movie Jesus Christ, Son of God.  From my theater seat, I was able to experience the tumultuous sea and the small wooden boat.  Between two shores, life hung in the balance.

Today, I have to imagine that this is the reality for the parents of Naomi Joan.  Gracefully, they have allowed us to peer into their personal life, and serve as witnesses of what it means to boldly face the storm.  Not only did they get out of the boat, which should be enough to ask, but then, like Peter, they have begun to walk. (Click here to read more of their story).  How can we, some having been spared their particular road to travel, share in their journey?  

We must be intentional and bold.  Yet, often times in search of greatness, we are blind to the things that surround us- the everyday opportunities to offer peace into the stormy lives that surround around us.  To consider what God may be calling us to, when more than likely... or who am I kidding... it absolutely will mean with certainty we must get out of the boat, and walk out our faith.

The point is, between the two shores, we have one life.  In our journey across the sea, we may forget the value of the moment, until little lives, like Naomi or Caroline, remind us that the other side is nearly there.  So while we are at sea, we must trust that life is bigger than the boat and comforts we illusion ourselves of having.  We must have faith that we can walk between the shores.  We must practice love, because His love will always call us out of the boat.

This post is dedicated to Naomi Joan.