Warning: Getting your MBA may cause some discomfort

It's three weeks away from completion of my 4th semester of the Concordia MBA.  Being that I am in the very first cohort to come through the program, the side effects and contraindications had not yet been all disclosed or perhaps even figured out.  So as we move through the program, I see that I'm experiencing these sensations.  I haven't sought professional help, but I'm pretty sure with the power of internet self-diagnosing, I have a case of the growth pains.

Remember what it was like to be 16?  Just learning to drive?  The taste of independence had you dreaming of the next adventure to come.  And at the same time, there's something nice about living in a home where you don't have to pay the bills.  There's the routine... the familiar... what's comfortable.  I remember my first drive all by myself... to the doughnut store.  I was so excited pulling out of our country gravel driveway, heading up the hill next to our house, I was given a mission, and I had one thing in mind- doughnuts.  I pulled into the doughnut shop.  As I got out of the car, there was that similar discomfort I currently feel.  I suddenly became aware of the first time to really feel being on my own, and a sense of alone.  Obviously, the feeling was not enough to detour me from my mission, or the independence of my own wheels, but today I find myself in a similar state.

Its been over a full year now of learning.  With all this learning comes growth, and new levels of trying out my own independence in business thought and practice.  I've been given additional responsibilities at work, and what was cutting edge has gained a sense of the routine and familiar has become comfortable.  At the same time, its like I'm growing in new directions, and my favorite pair of sneakers just aren't fitting like they used to.  My job is one I love.  A great fit for my natural disposition, and I have such a supportive team, a flexible environment, and co-workers I really love.  What I'm feeling is something between exposure to knowing there's something more- leadership, and wishing I had never seen it, so I could find a true sense of contentment in my current position.  I keep telling myself that it just doesn't get better than this, because honestly I know not much could.  On the other hand, there's this growth of leadership that's happened while I'm getting my MBA, this growth of business know-how that must be used.  And concurrently, this scares the jeebers out of me.  Leadership is so glamorized today... a true leader is carrying a cross of a whole different load.  To serve people, charged with the responsibility of their paths, and yet we're all so flawed and human.  That's alot to take in.  Just thinking of that makes me thrilled that I'm in the position I'm in, with no direct reports. 

My greatest responsibility currently offers me the opportunity of leadership through volunteer subcommittees.  I'm currently organizing an event and 5 subcommitees and internal staff meetings to keep us all on the same page.  Its a great type of leadership to start, because you know your volunteers all choose to be there.  They feel good about the work they are doing.  Hopefully staff feel that way, but you can't count on it day in and day out.  Life happens.

So its like I see this train coming down the tracks.  Its not here yet, but the growth pains of knowing more than I can exercise feels a bit like the baby bird in the nest.  I'm hoping I can take my current job to new heights with what I learn.  Hoping I can find a way to resolve the fit-growth of my current situation.  Hoping I can continue to develop my skills.  I've worked in programs, and now fundraising, and I hope to have the opportunity to learn the organizational side of non-profit business.  Really it's all in the Lord's hands, and I just want to be ready for however He wants to use me.  In the meantime, I'll pray for a content heart, but be warned- learning and the Concordia MBA can lead to side effects known as growing pains.

Writing

Back in highschool I took advanced classes to earn college credit.  One of those classes was British Literature.  I remember having been a straight A student, and getting one of  my first C's on a composition, and some comments that took a swing at my ability as a writer.  Several years later, I found myself in college, and writing for a professor, one of the first times in APA styling.  I got an even worse grade.  When trying to figure out where I went wrong, I went to visit my professor.  He sat me down, and proceeded to tell me I hadn't even tried.  Didn't really teach me anything, assumed I knew APA, and berated my writing for about 15 mintues, until I left his office in tears.

So when I landed this job I currently have as a development professional, I have to say I have been uneasy about my work in grant writing.  I had let the words of this one professor haunt me, and I just came to accept that writing wouldn't be something I was really ever good at.

Today I find myself in a class that intimidates me a bit.  Managing Operations and Technology.  The professor is very direct, something I admire and fear at the same time.  He knows exactly what he's looking for and when you miss the mark, he plainly (not quite rudely) says that it's not what he's looking for.  So I really revere and respect Dr. Cameron, and have been thankful that largely the class has focused on the group effort, and many of our grades reflect group assignments and papers.  In this class we have had 3 assignments that solely reflect our own efforts, and wouldn't you know, they are all written compositions.  The first individual project was a written review of The Goal.  The second was a midterm in class case study.  The last was my individual section of a group paper focused on CVS and the generic drug market impacts.  I received back on The Goal a 94- with comments "an excellent paper, and analysis overall".  The midterm wasn't as great and I got an 86.  Lastly was my efforts on defining the impact of the salient business issue and recommendations for CVS.  I was just coming off of a week long case of the flu, and was concerned about how well I could write on a dose of sudafed and benadryl.  The result- my best grade yet in this class- a 95!  Cameron commented that it was a "well-written, well-organized paper".  I must give credit that I received help from my fellow teammates in some final revisions, but this 5 worded comment was so impacting to me.  Finally- a great review at the scholarly level.  I really feel like I respect Cameron, and these grades weren't just given to me.  They reflect an honest and hard effort.

When I decided to go for my MBA, I knew it would provide me with business knowledge and shore up my inadequacies there.  However, a byproduct of all this paper writing for business has produced in me a stronger writer, and thus a stronger confidence in my abilities.  I certainly don't want this to come across as bragging, but this is a really big deal for me, and I know its important to celebrate these small wins if I'm not to burn out before graduation.  9 more months- it can be done, and done successfully!

Multiple group projects... multiple groups.

Have I mentioned that the classes making the 4th semester have been some of the more challenging?  The sheer work load of case studies has been one to manage.  Here at the end of the semester, the program leadership has diverged from the idea of us only working in one group to simplify group projects, which currently means I have spent both days of my weekend, meeting with separate groups, while managing working a 50+ hour work week.  Not to mention that my second group, assigned by the professor (because he wasn't told by administration that we were already in groups, and then when asking about it was told to do what ever he wanted) was given the short end of the stick, as one group has to have only 4 members, and of our 4 members - one lives 3 hrs away. Limited largely to conference calls, we also have a student who came to the US from China, and so I'm concerned that being limited to voice interaction may cause additional obstacles for our group.  I will say I've enjoyed the opportunity to work with each of these other team members, and for that reason am glad for the opportunity.  I think I would reiterate that alot of thought and consideration went into the development of our groups, and this has afforded us the opportunity to work with different personalities and work styles.  I understand an MBA wasn't cut out to be easy, but if we could maintain the group projects within the pre selected groups, it might avoid undue stress and allow us to focus more efforts into the projects rather than the efforts to pull the different groups together.